I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
