just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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