How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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