He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
