Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
