I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
