Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
