Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
