you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
