I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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