did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
