I should be sponsored by Trojan
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
