Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
