we made out on top of his cat.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
