we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
