you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Come on in and take your pants off
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