My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
