I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
