True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
