You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize