I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
