It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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