Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
