I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
