i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
