the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
