I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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