matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
