Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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