the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize