So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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