oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
