Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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