Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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