What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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