I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
