I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
