i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
