I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
