Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
