If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
