it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
