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He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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