somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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