Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
