you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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