I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
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