Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
