God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
