someone threw a dead crab at me
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
