I have demons in me.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
