this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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