i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
