Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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