i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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