Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
