No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
