ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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