Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize