winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We are two peas in an std pod
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
