Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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