Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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