2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
