I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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