Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize