I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
