It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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